Habit cultivate

第一节

1

有一天你来到了游泳馆前面
   游泳馆里面的水很冷
   你不停地用水拍打你的身体
   你不听地在做热身运动
   无论你怎么下决心
   你都不可能轻松适应
   无论你怎么用水拍打你的身体
   都没有直接跳下去适应的快
   所以我想对你们说
   永远都没有合适的时候
   如果你想戒撸
   今天现在就是合适的时候

2

 撸管并不是一种享受
   它只是短暂的让你获得非撸管者的美好感觉
   撸管并不是一种享受
   它只是短暂的让你获得非撸管者的美好感觉

3

我们绝大多的时候甚至没有意识到我们在撸管
   我们绝大多的时候甚至没有意识到我们在撸管
   我们绝大多的时候甚至没有意识到我们在撸管

第二节: 首先撸管并没有什么作用,他只是用来缓解大脑的黄毒戒断反应,所以我们放弃撸管并没有放弃任何美好的事情。要开始从一个非撸管者的角度来看待问题

也就是说当我们从非撸管者的角度看待问题的时候,我们其实已经是一个非撸管者了

那特别的那一撸该如何解决呢,告诉自己放弃撸管并没有放弃任何美好的东西

这个时候我们就很想摆脱黄毒的依赖了,但是心里的声音告诉我们对黄毒的依赖其是非常难以摆脱,所以下一节就要解决这个问题,告诉我们要摆脱黄毒的依赖其实非常的简单

第三节: 所以这一部分的理解关键是:事实真相是一旦你理解了黄毒成瘾的机制,我们可以非常轻松地停止撸管,所以要摆脱黄毒的依赖其实是非常轻松的一件事情

并且通过一些简单的对比我们就可以发现黄毒的反应非常的轻微,根本没有任何恐惧的必要。只要遵循科学的步骤就可以很快地,完全地摆脱他

当然,首先我们还是要大声地说出下面的话,对自己正面的心里暗示

接下来我们就会有下面的具体的四个步骤

首先是确信,始终相信撸管并不能给我们带来任何好处,有时候你获得了一时的爽,但是在此之前的所有时间一直都处于很难受的状态

然后是理解,始终明白戒断反应是很轻微的,如果感觉不轻微,那肯定是我们最开始采用的方法出现了错误

上面第二步骤有一点复杂,我们来仔细分析一下

首先说戒断反应其实是非常的轻微的,后面却又谈到了有人已经撸管戒了5年却还是充满了对那种事情的渴望,那是为什么呢,所以我们需要分析这一部分的内容

那就是这个强制戒撸的人其实并没有理解到撸管什么好处都没有的这一点,所以为了强调这一点,作者用到的方法是告诉我们如何移除欲望

首先是认清撸管只能缓解大脑黄毒反应的本质,然后是知道那些loser真实世界中的挫样 而且顺着逻辑性的延展讲到了我们必须选择成为一个完完全全的非撸者

而做这个选择,只需要认识到5点

  1. 你做得到: 这么多人都做到了,你完全可以做到
  2. 没有放弃任何东西: 没有撸管以后我们可以更好的面对生命中的高潮和低谷
  3. 没有就撸这一次的说法 不要给自己造成痛苦,并且浪费体内大量的精华
  4. 不要把撸管当成一种有害习惯,撸管根本就不是习惯,而是毒瘾,一种心理疾病,我们要做的是治病
  5. 把生理上的毒瘾和心理上的毒瘾分开来对待,人体自有大药,一切都来得及

第三步骤 确信 完全相信自己已经是完完整整的一个非撸者了

第四节:教你如何成为一个永远地快乐的非撸管者

首先时常给自己正面的心里反馈:

并且这一节也讲到了上面没有谈到的第四步骤

第四步骤:永远都按照一格非撸管者的方式来思考问题

下面的一张图片中,需要记住的几句话非常重要

最后作者进行了一次总结

值得好好看,可以避免很多钻牛角尖的想法,并且可以将其port到其他事情的处理方法上面去

   

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Social Skill

show confidence

http://www.askmen.com/grooming/project/top-10-ways-to-show-confidence-with-body-language_1.html
10 Avoid Your Pockets
9 don't fidget
8 keep your eyes forward
7 Stand up straight with your shoulders back
6 Take Wide Steps
5 Firm Handshake
4 Proper Grooming
3 Smile
2 Don't cross your arms when socializing
1 Use contact to show appreciation

trick about eye contaction

http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact

The Secret Of Great Eye Contact
Fortunately, there's a simple trick that will help you master great eye contact.
Just match your eye contact with your partner's.
If they look at you, look at them. If they look away, look away.
Easy, right?
Here's why it works. There's no such thing as "perfect" eye contact. Your goal is to make your partner feel comfortable with you, which means all you need to do is avoid giving too much eye contact or not enough.
Different people feel comfortable with different levels of eye contact. But almost everybody will initiate the amount of eye contact that they feel comfortable with. That means that if you give them the same amount of eye contact that they give you, they'll probably feel comfortable.
Look at your partner when they look at you (and look away when they don't), and you'll be squarely inside the level of eye contact they feel comfortable with. It really is that easy.
Mastering Good Eye Contact
Of course, there are a few details to take care of.
You don't want to mirror your partner exactly, or they'll quickly realize you're copying them. It's ok to instantly match their eye contact on occasion, but in general, you should wait a few seconds before copying them. Wait about one second before looking at them, and about two or three seconds before looking away.
Those numbers are just rough guidelines, of course. Feel free to experiment to find what feels natural for you. The important thing is that you avoid moving like a mirror image of your partner. The exact timing of your pauses is less important.
Also, be aware that eye contact rules change somewhat when you're having an emotional conversation. It's sometimes easier to discuss emotional issues when you're not looking at someone, so when people are sharing something very personal or emotional, they will sometimes look away from the person they are speaking to.
If that happens, you still need to look at them to show that you care. If your gaze wanders, that communicates that you don't really care about what they're saying, which is bad at any time but especially hurtful when they're sharing something emotional.
Eye Contact Rhythm
As you start to practice matching your partner's eye contact, you'll start to develop a sense of how much eye contact feels "natural." Eventually, you won't even need to consciously think about matching their eye contact—it will just happen automatically.
If you want to speed that process, there's an easy way to get a better sense of the "rhythm" of eye contact. Just watch some movies and pay attention to the eye contact given between the characters. That will help you see what kind of eye contact matching looks natural.
Bear in mind that different settings lead to different kinds of eye contact. Two flirting lovers might match eye contact shifts instantly and have more prolonged eye contact, whereas two acquaintances might take several seconds to match each other and look away often.
Also, when you analyze the movie interactions you might notice that characters will not match each other 100%—sometimes one character will look at another even though the other character is still looking away. This is totally ok.
All you need is a similar level of eye contact. There's no need to match their eye contact perfectly. If on occasion you feel like looking at them even though they're not looking at you, or you feel like looking away before they do, that's fine.
The important thing is that you are "in general" matching what they do. As long as you're in the same ballpark as them, then your eye contact will be fine. When you're starting out, you'll want to match their eye contact very closely to make sure that you stay in the safe zone.
But as you gain more experience, you'll get a better sense of what eye contact level feels natural. That will let you adjust your eye contact to what feels comfortable for both you and them, not just them.
The end result is that you won't have to think about eye contact at all—you'll just do the eye contact that feels natural for both you and your partner.
Take a bit of time to learn these good eye contact techniques, and you'll find yourself richly rewarded with more comfortable and enjoyable conversations for both you and your partners.
To Summarize:
• When your partner looks at you, look at them. When they look away, look away
• Pause for a few seconds before matching your partner's eye contact
• As you develop more experience, you won't need to match your partner's eye contact as exactly because you can rely on your instincts.
That's all there is to it!
Of course, there's lots of other ways to master how your body communicates. If you want to continue building your social skills, check out my section on body language.
And be sure to leave a comment and let me know what you think of my advice, or share an eye contact tip of your own. Thanks for reading!

good answer from quora

https://www.zhihu.com/question/19553905

  1. 以自我为中心

  2. 一些具体的step

  3. 肢体语言 让自己更大

来源于 如何增加一格人的自信: 知乎 https://www.zhihu.com/question/19553905

怎样走路,怎样在陌生的地方走路

https://www.zhihu.com/question/28451177 知乎关于如何走路

什么叫走路得体的一个补充 https://www.zhihu.com/question/21025461
若非要走地「得体」——不驼背,不耸肩(不自在的人总是耸肩),不东张西望,不左右摇摆(流氓气息),目不斜视,不皱眉,嘴闭上。以上都是经常被人忽视的坏习惯,满大街都有这样的人。

一定要收下巴 并且闭嘴

我意识到你的存在,修养相关的内容

https://www.zhihu.com/question/20902117

关于社交恐惧症

https://www.zhihu.com/question/19683263